Growing up in Newark, N. J. had to be one of the best experiences in my life. Even though it was affectionately known (smile) as the stolen car capitol of the world , it was my birthplace and a school of “hard knocks”. I can remember growing up playing football and running track at a local high school. During this time, my father was on the road as a long distance truck driver. When my school had football games or track meets, I would always look into the stands or on the sidelines for a tall , light skinned man to be there. To much dismay, that man was never there.
On the contrary, my mother was always there. I can even remember so vividly a game that we played at home. It was a game between two rivals. At this game, my mother brought the entire church to watch me play. This was a day I would/could never forget! I could see them screaming, yelling, clapping and excited about me being on the football field. Also, this had to be one of my best games that I ever played in high school. I was so ecstatic about everyone being there but it was something just missing.
I called my dad in excitement and told him what happened at the game. His voice was so nonchalant and gloomy. He proceeded to tell me that he had to get off the phone. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to share in the excitement of my victory. This immediately made me upset and wanted to lock myself in my room. I seen the other father’s greeted their sons and told them how great they performed but I couldn’t hear it from my father. Even though my church family and friends were there, I needed the affirmation of my father. Little did I know, several incidents like these would hinder me in my adult life. This made me insecure about things and dependent on waiting for a fatherly figure to give me some kind of praise. This effected my ministry and personal life.
In order for me to deal with this issue, I had to realize who I am to God. I am God’s son!! The scripture in Mark 1:11 would always come to me. It states, “And a voice came from heaven: You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased”. I know the context of this scripture but this is what I always heard when I was struggling with needing to be affirmed. God helped me to realize that whenever my father fell short, He would never leave me nor forsake me! A lot of people struggle with this issue but never confront it. To the one that never seen your father, the father that was barely around, the father that never showed up to your “events”, and the father that never dealt with his generational curse, please know that you have the best Father in the world! God, our father, can heal all wounds and break generational curses.
Lastly, please don’t be afraid of counseling, it will bless your life!